it all starts at the beginning - 3:05pm - Options: Sit, Heel, Stand

02:42 pm - 3:05pm - Options: Sit, Heel, Stand

I write this deliciously stoned out of my head out of chocolate weed that my old wonderful roommate personally made for me, out of a chocolate Jesus cross easter candy. (That made it a tiny bit funnier). I miss living with him.

*Weed is so rare for me. And the funny thing with the easter thing is because I was raised Jewish, (I don't follow the religion, just like the old traditions - yeah yeah I believe in God.)

My new roommate slams the kitchen around upstairs, obiously unhappy about our new lazy cleaning skills. There are times when I clean a lot. Dave doesn't clean. But I get to it, always. I'll talk to him eventually about it. Calm down man. All you it is Lean Cuisines...

My boyfriend is in New Jersey, taking a two week "half assed" class (as he says) because he's going from Sgt. to Staff Sgt. We're dealing with the "being apart makes your heart grow fonder dealy."
We argued so bad on the move-in day, I locked myself in the bathroom and cried.
Anger problem-non-responsible military boyfriend. But we had really good sex, and i'm miss him so much... it's weird not hearing him snore at night. I think he's going to get to call me tonite tonite.

Today is my second fuck-up with a really good agency I work with, and now I'm taken off of two gigs. I feel like a ledgendary failure, and scared that i'm going to be blackmailed after my last booked gig.

I'm starting to think about where i'm at in life - i'm settled in doing what i'm doing. But, what am I inspiring to do? My parents always taught me to inspire to something, and continue... that is what i'm never satisfied with where i'm at. When in life are you supposed to sit back and go, "Ahhh this is the good life. I'm gonna sit back for a good 25 years or so. I'm gonna just drop all this."

I'm at this point where i've lost where I want to be at, I've forgotten what my degree in school was for. No one is hiring, and when they look at my qualifications they ask for a definition of my degree and my experiences don't match. I actually applied to be a police officer, but if I put myself back in my "inspire to do something and continue" mode - police officer isn't a part of it. It would be getting a job as a secretary and going back to school.

Half the time I just want to pick up my bag and go back to Crete. But i'm in this place where i'm settled. I have someone who cares for me. He gives me the things that I personally need in life to keep me a functioning happy human being. Even with the negative, that's a part of it too. Everyone needs drama.

So my delema is -

1) drop everything I have (after I save up enought money) and go to Crete
2) move out - either back to parents (OMG NO!), or with roommates, and break up
3) join police force
4) try to join police force but fails drug test because of the chocolate weed she just ate
5) gets secretary job and goes back to school...

ok a multituple combination of those options.

I just had to get that out.