it all starts at the beginning - Slowly But Surely-"The Skanky Model/Housewifey Who Can't Get A Real Job B/c Of The F'ing Economy!"

04:20 pm - Slowly But Surely-"The Skanky Model/Housewifey Who Can't Get A Real Job B/c Of The F'ing Economy!"

I'm working more,
more photoshoots
and more promo's
now an official
"Jameson Girl"
I feel skanky in that outfit.

When I arrive at the next bar
before the other models
in that outfit,
no one has any idea what's going on
and they just stare,
and sometimes I get a small hiss of -
Slut.

I buy fashion magazines
to sit at home and work on poses for shoots.
I have to remember to take my adderall
so I won't scarf down the entire kitchen
to fit into my tiny work outfit.

(Very short black pleated skirt,
tight green short sleeved shirt
that shows the cleavage,
and very tall knee high black stilletos)

My feet hurt from those damned shoes
and I really, really, hate drunk people
who can't take directions and interrupt.

I feel pathetic most of the time
because I have a degree
and a few certifications
and no one is hiring anyone.
I can't get a job,
and no one is nice enough to send back
that lovely letter that says
Sorry dear, you aren't good enough to work at this facility! Have a fantastic day bitch.
Apparently it's the worst time
to be searching for a job.
In two months I won't have health care.

I really am the housewife,
and we bought a bunny
to keep me amused.
She doesn't like me much
and she eats carpet.
I do laundry and dishes,
clean and cook.
Look pretty and make pancakes naked.
I hardly see him, but we're working on it.
Nights together, more weekends...
I miss when we first met.

We're looking into getting a townhouse
with two other guys that I don't know.
I really don't have much of a say,
It's going to save a lot of money.
We're doing better,
and learning how to confront and communicate.

I'm working on myself,
trying to lose those 5 lbs,
trying to deal,
trying to get a job,
trying to get a tan,
trying to eventually dye my roots,
and pulling myself out of a deep, deep depression-
Slowly but surely.

I always say it has to get worse before it gets better.