it all starts at the beginning - The worst thing EVER - getting my tonsils out.

11:49 pm - The worst thing EVER - getting my tonsils out.

Even before, I had heard people say the comforting phrase, "The older you get, the more it hurts." And then the other comforting words of, "Oh people get them out all the time. Especially children."

My doctor told me that it was going to hurt like hell, literally. He said he was going to give me perkaset, and automatically I freaked. I have a high tolerance because I basically take it every day for another condition I have. It's like a basic pain killer to me. And apparently if perkaset is supposed to kill "pain that hurts like hell," he was telling me that I was going to be in hell. And he gave me the liquid kind too.

The day before the surgery, I'm in a depressed mood, nervous as fuck and apparently no one has the perscription in stock. I'm scared. The hospital tells me that it doesn't exist?

That night I go out to a birthday party at a bar, and I eat and drink all I can until midnight. I'm not going to be able to for weeks.

The morning of, my boyfriend drives me to the hospital. I'm freaking out inside, and pre-op was 3 hours. It was supposed to be two. It was horrible having to take off my bracelet from Europe that I swore I would never take off. It was also horrible to get into that stupid hospital gown and headshit, when all they were dealing with was my mouth.

Well, at least the operating table was heated - the room was cold as hell. I fought the asnesthesia as hard as I could, trying to keep a clear mind and answer the Doctors stupid small talk questions. The last thing I remember was them telling me they were giving me some oxygen and me breathing in from that mask - but I believe it wasn't just oxygen because then I woke up.

I didn't really wake up, because I don't remember it. I remember grabbing things. I remember seeing blury things, and the woman in the bed across from me looked so so scary. But I was told that right when they woke me up, I started to yell and moan, "No... no.... no!" and pull at my oxygen mask and IV. I was in a frenzy, screaming, and they couldn't calm me down. I don't remember any of this. They had to hold me down and eventually gave me three shots of something that starts with a D (Diladin, Demoral?), and then wheeled me out of the room back into mine because I was scaring patients, lol. They then gave me a shot of Perkaset, and I went in and out of unconcious... for like 3 hours.

(Don't remember) My boyfriend says that during that time they tried to have my sign a paper with post-op instructions, which I couldn't because of my state, and on the paper it clearly says not to sign any legal or business documents! He helped me get dressed, and I made a big deal of getting my jeans into the boots just right. The surgeon came in and talked to us (mainly him) about care... and I can't remember what else they told me what happened. He told me that when they wheeled me into the room I was wailing and I sounded angry and pitiful.

That first day I wasn't in much pain, which was nice. The first two days my boyfriend was there for me, I just don't remember it much. The third day, apparently I was at my parents house and slept a lot. I found out that almost everything hurts to swallow. It even hurts to swallow nothing. It creates a shudder of pain, and only pain killers take away that. Otherwise I was reluctant to swallow.

Only water and any sort of ice cream that is non acidic doesn't hurt to eat and drink. At first pudding was ok. I hate jello. So it was pudding, ice cream, water. Pudding, ice cream, water.
I found out the hard way that gatorade hurts like hell and makes me cry. I wanted protein. Lunch meat = BAD IDEA.

The pain started to get a bit worse, and the perkaset wasn't really doing it's job. My friend came over one day, and we watched movies. She made me some amazing mac n cheese, I tried to eat it. Didn't work. I eventually ate it when the pain killers kicked in, and let it burn. I wanted real food. It hurt so bad. I called my docter he put in a perscription for Demoral. I found out that it does absolutely nothing.

You shoud see my freezer, there is so much ice cream in there. My boyfriend made the mistake of buying fruity popsicles and weird orange sorbet things... I would eat them if I could. If I did I'd probably burn a hole through my neck.
I'm so sick of sweet things right now.

I had almost run out of pain killers by day 5, and by that day I was actually convinced I was going to get better. When the pain killers kick in, the feirce burning blinding pain goes away a tiny, small, miniscule bit. Just enough to swallow without a shudder of pain going through my whole body, and enough to get something into my stomach. By this day I was craving meat. My dad cooked up some ground beef, and I ate a litle bit despite the pain.

The 6th day, I woke up hurting like hell. I felt like knives were in my ears, and if I breathed hard enough I could spout some fire. I followed the directions and doped myself up every 4 hours. My friend came over, and I went with her to see a movie. I randomly decided that Taco Bell would amazing - and then started to die during the movie. The movie, My Bloody Valentine 3D, was not worth this trouble... or them making the movie, btw. I went home early, feeling even worse.

The 7th day, was the worst day i've ever felt in my life. More knives in the ears, pain well into my neck and jaw, my head hurt and I could barely talk. My tongue was was swollen, and I could barely drink or get anything down. Every time I swallowed I was get the pain shudder and water would go up my nose. I tried getting a hold of the doctor, as well as my dad.
Around 6pm some random asshole doctor calls me, telling me this is normal, take the pain, feel better, i'm doctor.
It was then when I just broke down, started to cry hysterically .... and then I felt something dripping down my throat. I asked my boyfriend if he could get some napkins... and then I started spitting up blood.

He took me to the ER and they said that around a couple days after the surgery the wounds start to heal, and sometimes they can break and bleed - aka, post operative bleeding or hemorraging. Most of the time caused by not drinking enough, which I need to do, and keeping the wounds wet. Gross.
I told them, well I can't drink or swallow because i'm so much pain. They gave me more perkaset. Joy.

And the nurse was like, "Oh the tonsils... most painful surgery. The older you get-"
"The more fucking painful it is," I interupted her.
Why do they ALWAYS say that? It's not comforting.

Yesterday hurt like hell. Today hurt like hell. Tomorrow will hurt like hell. When will this end?

My boyfriend won't do the dishes, icepacks never stay cold long enough, I hate food, I hate all liquid, painkillers suck, and why does every friend of my boyfriends feel the need to come over here every night and drink then crash? I hope I don't get an infection. (Other thing on post-op directions, don't go around people as to avoid infections).

To sum it up: this sucks, SO, so bad.