it all starts at the beginning - Pleurisy and Goodbyes.

12:56 am - Pleurisy and Goodbyes.

I gave you up, my forever cuddle buddy.
All my strength and courage

my waiting for you
my love

finally

no more jealous
anger

no more nights
no more cuddles

no more using me as a fuck toy

no more pretending that it's more.
no more pretending that you care.
pretend friends,
that our kisses are forever something special.
you care for me,
and there aren't 10 other girls.
pretend lovers.

I said goodbye,
and we aren't just friends-
and I lost a part of my heart
because I tried to wait for you to come around.
-------------------------------------------------------------

my chest hurts again,
after a week of being better.
pleurisy keeps me in bed
on the couch
with books and movies
barely moving and talking
it ruins and depresses.
paxil makes me perfect.
vicoden makes me numb.
mobic doesn't do anything.
i want to be better.